Blog: Redirected.

You won't find me writing here anymore. Think I've outgrown Blogger. You'll have to ask for the URL, doubt I'll just give it out willy-nilly this time. Cheers!

Crown, You Kill Me

Today was a very stressful day. Here's why:

Yesterday, I moved back to school. It's not that I don't love Crown College. I absolutely do, and my time here has been beneficial and I haven't regretted it. But adjusting back to Crown's student life has been more difficult than I anticipated. First of all, the fact that friends of mine who weren't in relationships when I left are now engaged with wedding dates and everything throws me off. Crown moves at such a rapid-fire pace that I don't know what to do with it, so I find it's best to just take a breath, talk to my best level-headed friends (you know who you are) and get back to the real world. The world outside of College View Drive.

I just felt so confined today, like every direction I turned there was someone waiting and watching. Not in a stalker-esque way, or like George Orwell's all-seeing and all-knowing Big Brother, but more that someone was always waiting to take my place. It's difficult to describe, but that's how I felt.

It's not that I want to feel normal. It's that I never want to go back to Crown's way of going about some things, and when seemingly everyone else around you feels the opposite of that...well, it makes for some rather difficult moments.

I love culture shock, it's totes my fave. Especially when it leads to near panic attacks, and especially when such events happen in public places.

Checklist

How to finish my summer:

X write internship paper, 5-10 pages
_ order books
_ pack for my apartment

_ tune up car

Well, one out of four isn't bad.

Here's how the rest of my week looks, though:

Wed: taking car in (so that'll be done)

Thu: packing?

Fri: working at Pioneer Power in Le Sueur, then Mankato following for more apartment things
Sat: State Fair, supporting Doug's final 4-H Dairy Show for the morning then exploring

Sun: church, then moving back ing

So...................................not a lot of time let. But I'll make the most of it, I'm sure.

Good year (but not the tyres/tires)

I am so glad that there is now one more person in this time zone who better understands my deep, deep love for Northern Ireland. Even if she has a man over there and I don't.

This will be a good year, even if it is so far away from the country I love.

This will be a good year, because I have an awesome roommate for my first semester of my senior year. And though I've no clue who I'll be living with that second semester (due to marriage of said roommate over the Christmas break), I have no doubts it'll fair well. Because the Lord is good. And he has good things in store.

This will be a good year, because I finally get to have an apartment, the thing I've been dreaming about for ages now. To have my own wee kitchen with my own things, to have my own living room--not some communal floor where everyone shares and nothing is just yours. Call me selfish, call me prideful, but I like to have my things be my things. I used to apologize up and down for that, but no more.

This will be a good year, because though I'll be busy busy busy, I know there will be good things tied in there as well. Things like coffee dates with mentors of all sorts and ages, and visiting friends, and having weekly After Eights with a fantastic friend, and much much more. And Skype calls with my wonderful Northern Irish friends who haven't forgotten about me for a second, nor I them.

Oh, aye. I'll be alright this year.

Culture Culture Culture

Thursday: I drove for the first time in ages. And there were a few moments when I panicked at an intersection and didn't know what side of the road to turn onto. Fortunately, each time there'd be someone turning the same direction in front of me, so I just followed them. Thanks, Jesus.

Friday: Every time I looked at a clock, I added 6 hours to see what time it was back home. (Yep, "back home"--that is, in Northern Ireland.)

Saturday (a.k.a. today): I went to an American shopping centre for the first time in at least 5 months. Every time I saw the price of an item I doubled it out of habit, as if I were still converting from GBP to USD.

This has become my life. I am such a cultural misfit.

My Aftermath

Today marks the day when I've been back in the States for a week.

It's really interesting how quickly I find myself moving right back into the groove of being here again. My new accent slips in and out (and is especially prominent when I'm talking about the country and the people I love, an ocean away), but I feel I've adjusted to the Central Time Zone again. Sometimes, it's truly as if I never left and the past five months were a dream, and other times it's as if I'm not really here either--or at least, not really meant to be here.

Which, to be honest, is the present case. Every time I check a clock, after registering what time it is here in Minnesota I immediately add on the 6 hours to figure out what time it is in Northern Ireland, and what my friends there are likely up to (should they be up at all). Really, it's funny how time slips by so quickly...it feels as if I've just landed here but really it's near time for me to be headed back to Crown for my last year of school. A concept I am far from considering, but at the same time so willing to undertake.

My life is absolutely ridiculous. And I love it. Who would have honestly thought a year ago that right in this moment I'd be fresh from one adventure and ready to undertake the next one so suddenly? Not me. I never used to be adventurous like this. But I certainly don't mind it...

So much sleepy...

I hate jet lag.

Hiya, MN

My first post from the States since the journey began...

Last night I finally got back to Minneapolis around 10pm (was meant to get in around 8, but because of ground delays due to lightning and rain it was later--luckily I slept through the entire bit plus the flight), and my first meal back was a chicken sandwich + fries + Sprite (I want to call them chips but awk well, I know rightly I'll get told off now if I do--though I'm still keepin' "crisps"!). The whole ride home I thought my dad was trying to overtake the other vehicles because my body was used to being on the other side of the road. And I've definitely lost a fair bit of weight since leaving for Northern Ireland 5 months ago--clothes from my smaller days are fitting me again, which is great news because I can't be bothered unpacking my college boxes (yes, they're still there from February) until probably tomorrow at the earliest.

My bio clock is so off, I only slept 6 hours last night and probably should've slept at least 12 for all the sleep I've missed out on this past month. It's alright, I'll be having a nap this afternoon likely.

If you want to get in touch, let me know. Sure, my battery will be tested on my mobile, but it's okay. My fingers are nimble for texting, and I'm keen for a chat as well. Or a skype!

xx

Last Day in NI (this time around):

I don't really want to write about anything yet. Just that last night, Karen held a going away party for myself, Ben, and Sierra since our internships are done at the same time. So, many goodbyes were had at The Press.

Today: a drive to Dromore to see Ben play on worship at his home church, Dromore Elim.

Tomorrow: flight home.

Another Week Gone By: Project 32

This past week was fantastic, and it definitely surpassed all my expectations. After my last hosting-a-short-term-missions-team experience, I was almost certain this past week--well, I knew it had to be better than that one (almost anything had to be), but still not at the top of my list. Far from the truth. The team was absolutely brilliant, and the work was exhausting but so fulfilling. Seeing real change happen in the young people (both those from Dgn and the ones on the team) was such a blessing. It was worth the constant feeling of being shattered, unkempt, disorganized, and slightly grody. It was worth falling asleep to snoring, coughing ever morning, eating a forth of my body weight in junk, getting too much sun (but can't complain too much, considering what island I'm on and all), and being seen as "in charge" though I felt I knew nothing.

This past week, Youth for Christ in Northern Ireland did a missions week called Project 32 (for the 32 counties of Ireland, both Northern and the Republic; www.projectthirtytwo.com). Internationals (America, Canada, France, Italy) and locals came together in 8 different teams to see youth won for Christ, communities transformed, leaders rise up, and the body of Christ coming together and answering the call. We went without much sleep, without much hygiene, without much contact with our lives "back home" in order to come and be a team and see the gospel set in motion.

Team Dungannon did detached work in 4 different estates over the course of the week: Lisnahall, Cunningham's Lane, Milltown, and Annaghshee. Then, we'd do a junior drop-in for 7-11s in the afternoon, and a senior drop-in for 12-18s in the evening. Saturday was packed with a Community Fun Day in the car park of the church we stayed at in town (complete with rock climbing wall, bouncy castle slide, and face paints), then that evening we held a worship concert at the centre plus a 12-hour prayer event as well as Safe Haven that night. And I'm still recovering from all that lack of sleep.

Yesterday morning, sending the team off to Belfast was sad. To be honest, I think it was a combination of realizing I won't see them again though I can see how much God's done in each of them, plus realizing I officially am on my last week in Dungannon.

My Week in the South

Yeooo, so I can officially add another country to my list of places I've been (even though my passport won't show it). The ROI fared well for me, though I'll be honest in saying it definitely wasn't an authentic experience in that it was an Irish melting pot, with loads from all over the island of Ireland. I was able to hear some pretty neat accents, though! Even one from County Cork, which is almost as far away from Dungannon as you can get in a car.

During this past week, I was away at a conference put on by the Church of Ireland denomination called NewWine. While there, I was a member of the team, doing creche (nursery work) during the morning services and sessions for the 1 1/2s to 2 1/2s. And after spending four hours a day for five days with those Wonderful Wobblers (or so the room was labeled), I can officially say I feel quite a bit more confident in minding children--at least, for short periods of time. Each one had his or her own personality, and it was actually quite interesting to see them interact and choose their roles each day. One girl would even act as a mother to another who was obviously much smaller and younger, trying to catch her down the slide and kiss her on the cheek, and on the Friday when it was time for the smaller one to leave with her father, the motherly one started crying at seeing her "adopted" child leave her for good.

My schedule was probably the most consistent it's been since my arrival: wake up at 7am, be out the door by 8:30 to walk to the conference buildings, set-up/prayer, mind children from about 9:15am to 1:15pm, walk back to the flat, and chill until tea (dinner) then go to the evening celebration in the arena at 7:30pm. In the evenings, they had different events (one night was a kid and youth workers' party with snacks and chat, another was a table quiz night). So, though my schedule was very consistent and I had a lot of time to use at my own discretion, I also became easily wrecked as the slots of time were just short enough that I knew rightly if I laid down for a nap, I'd be out for the rest of the day and miss the evening activities as well.

This being said, it was still an absolutely phenomenal week. The Lord showed me a lot of things, and I'm still trying to sort through how I want to share them--if at all. Each of the speakers were brilliant, and I have notes from each night as well as loads of songs I want to learn to play on the guitar one day for my own times of worship.

Anyway. I'm burnt from the beach, burnt out from lack of sleep, and my laptop is getting a little too warm for my lap at the minute. Time to shut down and hibernate until tomorrow, I think.

xx

Summertime Blues

So, yes, I realize that my posts have been increasingly less frequent and detailed since that second month of my internship. Oops. Sorry, kids. Guess you'll just have to wait for the stories when I'm home again in August.

Lately, though, I've had too much time to think. Thinking about goodbyes, and about reunions. About my nearing arrival back at Crown and about my time away from it. About sleeping on couches and on air mattresses in churches, and about my home back in MN. About all the adjustments I've had to make to living, and about how I'm going to have to adjust back again shortly.

I've had too much time to think.

It's really bittersweet, these last three weeks here in Northern Ireland. I know rightly it's going to fly by so quickly that even a sprint car couldn't catch it. And I know I'm going to have a hard time getting back into the swing of being at home again, because now more than ever I feel ready to move on to the next phase of life--the one where I take another big step towards real adulthood and away from "student life". (Not saying I'll actually be an adult, because I don't know when I'll ever get there...but it's closer.)

But at the minute, the most adult thing I can do is to return back to Minnesota, finish up my schooling, keep the aspirations I've developed since coming here to Northern Ireland, and plan for what lies ahead.

That being said, though the goodbyes will be difficult I really am looking forward to seeing all my loved ones from the States again! Coffee dates and living room chats galore!

P.S. In 12 hours I'll be getting into a car on my way to the New Wine Conference in Sligo, in the South. So guess what, I'll get to count it as another country! Hooray!

Success

This is what real youth work does for a person:

One of the young people made this for me while at the Church of Ireland Holiday Club tonight out in Moygashel. (FYI, a "holiday club" put on by a church is basically VBS. We're helping the church out with it all week long, between the two Churches of Ireland--that being the denomination--in the community, St. Anne's in Dungannon and then the one out in the Moy, a wee village down the road.) The theme for the week is "Mission: Rescue", with all the lessons relating to the story of Moses and how the Israelites were rescued out of Egypt. But, along with that is a spy/mystery theme, which is why we had the wee kids (all primary school-age) make up spy badges. However, the girl who made this for me decided to take the spy badge templates and make a "licence to be ___" for each of the YFC interns. Mine, because of my great love for this country, was to be Northern Irish. And of this, I am quite proud.

No surprise here

Well, I guess it was bound to happen eventually.

(Click the photo to see what I mean.)

With The Fam: Day 2

(Yes, I realize I probably should have posted a Day 1 with the fam blog or something...but whatevs.)

First of all, the place they're staying at for these couple days in Dungannon (and myself, too) is lovely. But the beds...man, I am so glad mine at the house is softer than this one. I felt like I was sleeping on a piece of cardboard or something (not in that it's thin, but because it's barely any cushion to it at all). Anyway, I have enjoyed it, and it is nice.

Today, I took them to the Linen Green, which is a place in Dungannon that has a lot of designer and specialty shops plus a few different restaurants. I took them about the shops, and we had lunch together. Lovely.

Tonight, dinner at the house with my hosts while I'm here.

Tomorrow, taking them to The Press for lunch and off they go to Belfast while I stay behind in Dungannon and have my guitar lessons, etc. What a day it'll be...saying goodbyes, knowing I'll be seeing them come 1st August. Wow.

That's all for now.

Top 5 reasons to have family visit you in another country:

5: They can bring you things that can't pass through the post's customs, like prescription-strength acne medication which you have been scrounging for the past month for fear of what your face will become without it...

4: If they go on a tour and find something and think of you, they'll buy it as a gift. Even though, really, you should be buying them the souvenirs.

3: They'll tell you how much you've changed, and it'll all feel so good. ("You do look skinnier!"/"You've lost your MN accent!"/etc., etc...)

2: Your mum will make sure you're fed, no matter what.

1: It really does open your eyes to how big God made the world, yet He's bigger; how surreal life is, yet He's so real; how time can fly so quickly, though He's unchanging.

Northern Irish family, meet my Minnesotan family.

Last Week (and How it Flew):

Monday: Sierra arrived, another American intern--she'll be here until 3 August, so only two days longer than myself. Oh, and my mentor took me out for lunch and bought me a top. What a lovely, lovely woman.

Tuesday: Drop In, which was absolute chaos due to some from Annaghshee calling up...and deciding to cause a ruckus in the Centre any way possible.

Wednesday: Lots and lots and lots of prep work for the schools work (Th & Fr). That's pretty much it.

Thursday: Half the day spent with the P7s of one of the primary schools. A grand day, though I was beat afterwards. And a meeting with Krystal, which involved a few tears on my part but again positive.

Friday: Half the day spent with the P7s of another primary school. Went to The Press for lunch, which never disappoints. Guitar lessons were class, and I'm now on my way to learning Mighty To Save--but this journey will be a bit longer, as I haven't had time to practice yet... That night, a party at Ben & Gareth's, which was great craic. I got to hang out quite a bit with Alicia, which was very needed I soon found out. She's brilliant. I'm definitely blessed to have her at Crown with me next year...otherwise I would die.

Saturday: Being I spontaneously stayed over at Ben's with Alicia, I spent my day there as well. A bit of helping Ben clean, and a bit of lounging on the laptop and downloading loads of free, legal music (noisetrade.com). That evening, going to The Press for their once-monthly live music night. To be honest, I was not exactly "present" most of the time...and when Ben picked up on it and asked if I was "tired or bored", I didn't want to answer the question. I was neither. And I knew the actual answer wouldn't come out kindly, so I held my tongue.

Though it would probably help to get it out, some things are better left unsaid. At least when the person it involves is within earshot, and it's not their fault either.

So Sleepy...

From the moment I woke up, I've felt as if I could fall asleep again at any given moment.

Despite going to bed early.

Despite having a pretty chill day yesterday, with Sunday Dinner at the house and a wee Skype call with my mom (next time we chat, it'll be in person!).

Honestly, I hate that I'm now viewing 9 o'clock wake-ups as an early start. It's because of such long, long days at work. And though I'm not really looking forward to parting with the scenery, the people, and the ministry I've had here...I am looking forward to having nearly a month to get back to my normal sleeping pattern. Waking up at 8am, asleep by 11:30--we've been apart for so long, it'll be nice to have it back again.

At the minute, I'm manning the Centre while the breakdancers are in (a task I haven't had in a couple months because Mondays are Ben's night, and they don't come in on Wednesdays anymore but because Ben's away for the evening...well...). Meaning I won't get home until late, because they don't leave until 9. So I won't be getting home until 10 at the earliest. And I forgot to grab some dinner before the shops closed. Oops. And my mind might be playing tricks on me, but I suddenly smell fresh popcorn which isn't helping the hunger situation.

Awk well. Tomorrow = first day with the new intern (you read right), getting serious about the schools work for Thursday and Friday, and doing my best to stay sane.

I heart Fridays

Today was a fantastic day. Here's why:

1. So easily convinced Ben last night that we should go into the office an hour later than he suggested, meaning I got another full hour of sleep after being absolutely shattered yesterday. (More on that later, probably.)

2. Worked from The Press rather than the office, and got some social interaction rather than staring at a screen by myself.

3. Gladly ordered a raspberry and white chocolate scone, a gingerbread latte, and a bowl of the soup of the day (butternut squash and bacon) + wheaten in total today. I love The Press. And I will never order the same way I once did at coffee shops ever again.

4. Guitar lesson. And though I'm always hesitant going in because I get nervous playing in front of people, that they're going to look at me and think, "What a joke, she can't play a single thing"--but now that Ben's pushing me to join in, I don't get a choice. Today, however, I proved that I do have the G scale memorized (though it's quite slow), and that I can pick up theory (likely because of all those years playing flute, but even more likely because of my many years of choir).

This last bit is my real reason for writing another blog post. Because tonight, back at the house and after eating dinner (mashed potatoes, because I was too lazy to think of anything else), I decided to pick up the guitar and practice what I'd learned earlier. And I can now play the accompaniment for the verses in "Free Falling", as well as the entirety of "How Great is Our God"--yeoooo!

Yous have no idea how proud of this I am. My fingers are going to be bruised tomorrow--I need to build up a callus quite badly...but now that I can actually play something recognizable, I feel loads of encouragement to do so.

Tomorrow: relaxing about the house + cleaning (I keep saying it, so perhaps I should actually do it), Skype call with the fam, and Safe Haven that evening. And plenty more guitar.

P.S. Still Facebook free, and though I go back and forth on whether or not I should attempt to hack into my account (because sure Ben wouldn't hand over my password if I demanded it), it's evenings like tonight that make me feel more confident about leaving it behind for a wee while.

Facebook-free!

I've been Facebook-free since yesterday afternoon, and though it's been a relatively short period of time (not even a day and a half), I feel a heck of a lot lighter without it.

And though you'll still find me online, I have absolutely no access to it at the minute, as I handed over the password to Ben because I knew I was spending far too much time online. Aimlessly wandering through photos and profiles and comments from friends back home, friends from here, people I haven't talked to in years, people I haven't talked to hardly ever. It was getting out of control, so on Monday I surrendered my account.

Though I'm quite aware I'll likely be fraped before all is said and done, it'll be grand. It's actually a really great feeling to have no control over something at all--because no matter how much I fought this, I won't be getting my password out of him until I've shown that I don't need Facebook as a part of my life.

So, readers, if you try to get in touch with me via Facebook, rethink it. Because I won't be checking it for likely a week or two--we'll see how long Ben holds it from me. Shoot me an email instead, and I'll be sure to come in touch with you (be it for a Skype call/chat or for an update email or anything else you'd like) as I'm still very much on top of that sector of life.

Peace out, scouts. I'm using my free time to read, practice guitar (because I'm really getting somewhere with it, finally!!), and sleep. All neglected things, all very beloved things.

"Wait, so where are yous from?"

The only thing I knew about today, before it began, was that there was a team coming over from Holland to have a "cultural event" in the Town Square, and were going to use our Centre as a base for making tea and coffee and things like that.

Turns out the team was indeed from Holland, but they're all Indonesian. Didn't see that one coming.

And turns out that they were all super Pentecostal. Didn't see that one coming, either.

But, my word. Was it ever amazing.

It's truly been so long since I've seen the Body of Christ come together and really be the Church. I've seen flashes and bits, but then it fades away so quickly. But today, from 9 am to 9 pm, these people were completely lit for Jesus. And to them, though we were the ones with the Centre, the ones who've been in Dungannon for whatever amount of time, we were their guests. When it came to dinner, they served us first. They asked the YFC team and anyone from the street to come to the centre of the room later and they circled around us and prayed over us.

I've really missed people like them. And it makes me miss quite a few people from Crown.

Snow Tubing in June

See that title?

That's what I did tonight with the youth club. Insane, right? I thought so, too. (And I still think so.)

It was the last night of the Presbyterian youth club, so we took them to the "slope" in Craigavon. And this morning, when I was preparing for it, I hadn't a clue what I was supposed to dress in. Is it a legitimate slope? Do I need a winter jacket? Layers? Prepare for getting wet? How does this even work? How can snow even stay on the ground? Why has no one questioned this--and why has no one filled me in on what it looks like to snow tube in a country that gets very little snow?

Well, turns out they have a giant net of white artificial grass that's like a big brush which they lay over the hill. So, no real snow. And it's outside, so dress for walking up a hill several times but otherwise like normal.

Good thing I found all this out after being picked up in the morning...but it was still fun.

Still one of the strangest experiences of my life, though.

New Day

Suddenly, I feel charged.

Maybe it's that, during my one-on-one meeting with my supervisor yesterday, I brought up that I want to come back to Northern Ireland after graduation. And she told me, "Awk, what's college anyway--sure, just stay here right now," and then saying, "If you do want to come back to either Dungannon or anywhere in Northern Ireland or even in the South, just keep in contact with me and I'll set you up with one of my contacts." SCORE. Though I do want to stay in the North, it's so good to know how vast the options are. And that she's just an email away, even when I'm across the pond + halfway across the States.

And today, I'm realizing that there are going to be so many smiling, happy, and eager faces waiting to greet me once I'm in Minnesota. And maybe that makes me vain or prideful or conceited or something, but that's a really good feeling. To know that I've been off having an adventure for five months (when it's all said and done, that is), and that there's people waiting to hear about it. Waiting to see photographs. Waiting to have the stories unfolded. Waiting for me, just a 20-something kid who went off to do an internship.

Those are the kinds of thoughts that just wrap around you like a big ol' hug, and I like them.

Retrospect Kills.

Since getting to the point when {amount of time remaining in NI < amount of time since coming to NI}, I've been thinking about all the things I haven't done by this point. And about how busy my last two months (well, less than now) are going to be, and how I don't know that I'll get to do those things. And about how much I'm not looking forward to saying goodbyes.

The night before last, I kept waking myself up with panic attacks. I was dreaming over and over again about leaving. All of a sudden, it would be time for me to go, and I kept getting ripped from all the people I've met here. I wasn't able to say my goodbyes properly, and I was being pushed forward to the next step before I could even finish the one prior. All I wanted to do was cry and scream and dig my heels in and say, "No! I'm not ready yet!" But it was all to no avail.

And then, I'd wake up. In a cold sweat and breathless. And completely lost.

I'm trying to remind myself to just enjoy the days I've left here, and to soak up every single bit of them that I can. I'm trying to tell myself to be adventurous and to take a leap and just take each day as it comes rather than count out all the ones passing by so quickly. But it's just so difficult, and all I want to do is curl up into someone else's arms for a nice long hug, be handed a cup of tea, have a nice seat, and talk about all these things. Or better yet, go out and do all the things I've been longing for--another Belfast adventure, seeing the mountains, going to the beach, taking edgy photos to document all of it. Or even better, be handed a plane ticket for me to come back, and a place to live with an awesome roommate and an incredible job (no matter what the pay, if any at all).

But on the plus side here, the fam comes so so soon! In 20 days, I'll be with them (and in 11, they'll be sharing a time zone with me--which is pretty fantastic, even if I won't be near them). Mum, you better take plenty of photos on your tours--especially of funny road signs or meals or anything of that sort.

Sending my love across the pond--send me some of yours as well, please.

"Danger, danger!"

Today, I spent quite a portion of time in Belfast getting trained in First Aid.

I'll be honest, I hated it. I really don't like practical work like that--having to get up and move around and treat someone according to a scenario and pretend like they're about to die if I don't help them. Seriously, not my thing. But, all fine and good--now I'm certified for the next 3 years. (Just, no one get injured on my watch or anything. I still can't remember the order of anything when he kept repeating "DRS-ABCDE". And I'll likely break your neck on accident. And I'll accidentally say "danger, danger!" when I'm actually just supposed to be checking for danger...oops.)

Then the second half of the day, we had Drop-In at the Centre. A few new faces came up, and though they were connected to the Centre in some way prior (three girls came up, one being a sister of a volunteer and the other two being her friends), it was still quite encouraging to see new faces and to get others into the Centre besides the regular crowd. I was beat by a 15-year-old on Just Dance (after totally creaming her two rounds in a row before she started to get determined), but it was all good craic.

And now, I'm completely shattered. After being up at 7 and having a full day, I'm ready for bed.

As I often hear on this side of the pond said by adults to adults, "Ni'night."

Nap Day

Safe Haven took place last night at the Centre, and though the town was alive the Centre remained quiet. Once people left the pubs and the clubs, they went to their cars straight after--so no one came up to the Centre. But in two weeks' time, we'll be back out again to give it a go.

However, the last two nights I didn't go to bed until at least half 2 (a.k.a. 2:30), which was very very unwise of me. And today, shortly after getting home from church, after changing clothes and cleaning up some of my things from the morning, my bed just looked so comfortable...

It began with me crawling beneath the covers and going online.
Then the internet got mucked up, so I started reading the book my mum sent in a care package.

Then my eyes grew tired from trying to keep characters and background stories straight...

And before I knew it, I jolted awake with Lexie at my door telling me that lunch was ready. And I knew I'd only been sleeping for about 20 minutes at most, but with how quickly I was out I knew the best thing was to just give in and take the nap.

So I did. For the next 4 hours. (And they even saved me a plate, so lovely.)

Things I've learned:
Never, ever stay up that late willingly when I know other late nights are required soon after.

It's not bad to just give in to sleep during the day, even when it's against a held principle.

Should I ever get to choose my own fixtures in a house, I'll be sure not to choose any that wake one up just by the use of them and without any announcement from the user. (I woke up not to the sound of Lexie's voice, but the sound of the door handle creaking against the wood.)

That's all at the minute. (Oh, and in case you were wondering, I have never ever fallen asleep in church to date. Though there have been many instances of doodling on paper scraps to keep my mind sharp.)

Meet the Sons of Caliber

I love these guys.

Right, so I've two months left...

I'm finding that each and every day lately, I keep clinging with all I've got and thinking, "But there's so much left for me to see and do and taste and smell and explore! I can't leave in two months! There's no way!"

That's how I feel.

I want to go back to Belfast and explore the wee shops that no one knows about but the insiders. I want to have more meals with friends and joke about with them. I want to go to the beach and take great photos. I want to see Dublin (even if I hear Belfast is better). I want to go to more coffee shops and live music nights.

I feel like I've lived so much while I've been here, but not nearly enough.

Looks like I really will just have to move back here after Crown. Because I'm not done with Northern Ireland, not by a long shot.

My Ambition

Today, I went to Portadown.

A convoy of cars left Dungannon bright and early this morning to leave the team off at the train station there, on their way to Dublin for the day then fly out tomorrow morning. I joined them and said my goodbyes on the platform (a very strange experience, considering they all live about 3 hours away from myself rather than across an ocean).

Following their departure, Ben, Karen, and I went to a coffee shop called Kingdom Cafe for breakfast. And it was lovely. It's a coffee shop run by Christians, and they have it pretty well decked out. I got a vanilla latte and a raspberry and white chocolate scone, no disappointment to be heard of there. And while I was sitting there, conversing with Karen and Ben and sipping on my latte, I got to thinking...

I really do want to work in a coffee shop.

Now, I completely understand I'll be broke, and that it's not the kind of job you can have forever, and blah blah blah. I know this, I do. But really, it would be wonderful. I could sell my handknit goods (like the hat the girl behind the counter complimented me on so heavily--way to go, Mum! Pretty sure she'd have bought it off me if I'd have let her!), and paint murals on the walls, and learn how to make a mean espresso drink, and listen to awesome music and have live acoustic nights, and start up a secondhand shop as well. It would be...class, brilliant, fantastic, unreal, everything everything everything great and wonderful and beautiful.

I want to do this. Really and truly.

P.S. Here's an article I found today during my wee bit of internet browsing, please read.

Oh hey, so I'm still alive...

WHAT A WEEK.

I am absolutely wrecked. (Catch that Northern Irish, have you?) After the Americans arrived on Monday, my life was consumed with looking after the new kids, showing them their lockers and their classrooms and holding their hand to the bus stop. Bringing them their meals and making sure they sleep at night. My oh my, what a week.

But really, I have learned a lot:

I'm not ready to leave Northern Ireland behind. After spending so much time with Minnesotans, I've realised how much I really do love Minnesota, but it would be the biggest heartache ever to leave here and be planted in Minnesota for much more than a year.

But nevertheless, being around Americans again has made me miss my own Americans. My Crown friends, my family, my few remaining connections from high school. It's made me miss the random texts I'd get from people, or phone calls for an hour and a half about everything and nothing, all at the same time. It's made me miss going to the library with my mum on Saturdays, and driving by myself down that glorious 10 mile stretch of Hwy 9 to New Rome, and hearing the dogs bark as soon as you pull into the driveway after a full shift of pizza orders. It's made me miss Arlington a wee bit, even. A level I never really thought I would hit.

I've two months remaining now here in Dungannon, and I intend to live them to the full. One month from now, I'll be with my family and what a strange experience that will be, my two worlds crashing into one. Awk well, I'm absolutely certain they will love it here--as they should.

A Crazy Week Ahead

This will be the last post for awhile, I do believe. Here's why:

Tonight: Safe Haven relaunch--it's a ministry they've done here in the past, but it was stopped for a while when the Centre changed hands and was getting back on its feet again. Tonight, it starts up again with a worship/prayer service at 9 (where I will be singing alongside Ben's guitar playing), and then the actual event from 12-3am. I likely won't be home until 4. Yikes.

Tomorrow: Possibly a trip to Dromore after I've recovered from the previous night. There's a chili fundraiser that another girl in YFC is holding to help pay for as much rent as she can raise--she's originally from the States but has relocated her entire life out here. I want to be this girl, if you can't tell. And another Crownie will be there, she just arrived about 2 weeks ago, and I've been itching to see a face from back home in person.

Then...: Ten days of Americans. There's a team coming from Marshall, just a two hour drive away from where I'm from. So surreal. I don't know any of them, by the way. They're coming from our Centre Manager's sending church, but it certainly will be weird to be around Minnesotans again after so long...and I really hope the adults coming have super sweet MN accents that the locals here have to listen to--and then they'll realize how mild, meek, and tame mine is. (I really don't think I have one at all, actually.)

Anyway, a crazy crazy week here. Plus on Thursday I'm going to a Matt Redman concert in Belfast--and to be completely honest, I'm looking forward more to one of the other acts than Redman himself. Rend Collective Experiment, a band that Ben introduced me to, is such class and I hear they're even better in concert. I'll be camera ready, promise.

All my love to those back home! I'm just over half-way with my internship now, and as difficult as it will be to say "see you later, NI" (because I refuse to believe it's a goodbye, my heart and my head just can't confirm such a thought), it will be such a joyous occasion to see all of your smiling faces again.

Skills...

...that I have acquired since moving here:

1. Learning 4 chords on the guitar

2. Using a paper cutter (which they call a guillotine, and they pronounce the l's too...)

3. Holding my stomach together during all the curvy drives in small cars

4. Eating enough sweets to fill a meal (bad idea, by the way...)

5. Making a good cup of black tea (I don't know if I can go back to herbal anymore...)

6. Making a decent cup of french press coffee (still working on this one...)

7. Leading worship (again, still working on this one...)

8. Writing emails to friends back home

And many more things.

Belfast At Night

Yesterday was a typical Sunday for much of the day. Church in the morning, then I watched a movie during the afternoon and worked on my sock knitting (it's coming along nicely, Mom!). But that evening, I went to Belfast to this huge church they have there.

Well, to be honest, it's not that huge. It's called Whitewell, and it's quite large considering the size of Northern Ireland and the size of churches in general here. To be honest, I didn't really like it. It was ultra-commercial, and I didn't appreciate the pastor's style one bit. But I always enjoy hanging about with the group we came with (all from the group that was at the Potluck), and they always bring quite a bit of humor along with them. Following the service, we went for a tour of some of Belfast done by the only guy in the group, who knows the city quite well because of his four years studying at Queen's University (which is beautiful, by the way, and apparently right up there with Cambridge and Oxford in prestige). We drove up a mountain (a.k.a. really large hill) to see Belfast Castle (a.k.a really large, brick building--but still quite beautiful), and then drove past many wee ins-and-outs of the city which made my love for this country grow even more. You look at some of those streets, and you see Europe in its best form. Bad news, though--didn't have my camera. So no pictures to commemorate this event. However, I do very much plan to go back, and I'll be armed like a photographer that day. Promise.

This past weekend was one of very little sleep, and very much social activity. Props to myself for being out and about are in order, I think. Good thing, too, because this week will very much be one of workworkwork in order to prep for a team of 17 Americans (well, they're actually from Minnesota, and they're actually from Marshall...so it'll be like looking people from home straight in the face, surreal) coming over this next Monday, the 23rd. Ay yai yai. So brace yourselves for possibly very little of me, or very uninteresting blog postings. One or the other, it'll depend my sleep patterns for the week.

Potluck and Eurovision

Two worlds collided yesterday. It was absolute chaos--but the best kind.

One thing is for certain: the concept of a "potluck" is definitely American, and I'm pretty sure a very rural concept as well. So when Amy, the wife of the couple I'm staying with (who's from Canada and only lived here a year, by the way) suggested one, the whole church crew out in this neck of the woods was intrigued. And they went for it.

However, some interesting things did occur. First of all, I think they came under the impression that everyone needs to bring something, when really it's more like a dish or two per family (depending on the size of the family). But, whatever, there certainly was plenty of food for just over a dozen people. Second of all, a couple people asked me prior to the event how you know what to bring so it's not a bunch of the same. And honestly, I don't think that's ever a concern back in the States (not at my family functions, at least) because you come with an idea of what each person's specialty is and that's what they bring to the table. But I guess I could be wrong, because we ended up with two lasagnas. (Not going to complain about that, though--it's one of my favorite dishes.)

And completely unplanned, the potluck turned into a Eurovision party. Now, Eurovision is by far up there with the most hilarious, most interesting cultural experiences you can witness. Trust me. Every country in Europe holds a song contest, where singers and groups compete with their own original works to win for their country, and then each country representative competes for the Eurovision trophy. They can sing in either their country's official language or English. And man, some of those acts are absolutely ridiculous. The UK's group, Blue, was quite good and they're already popular, and we cheered them on in the voting for some time (as, obviously, Northern Ireland is part of the UK). But Ireland's representative, a pair called Jedward...well, please watch the video I've posted below to really understand what I'm getting at with that one.

It was quite the evening, full of laughter and food. Some good craic, I'd say.

New Readers

I've just finished a Skype call with my mum, and she tells me I've got a few new readers.

So, people of Minnesota (specifically those in McLeod and Sibley counties), welcome. Just so you know, much of it won't make sense unless you read the previous posts. I often write as if it's one long conversation, assuming you know all the people I've introduced earlier. Let me know if you have any questions, and feel free to leave your email in the comment section of a post and I'll write you something.

Happy reading!

Ketchup? No, Catch Up.

Blogger was down for the last couple days. So, just let me retrace my steps for a wee moment...

Thursday: We had something called Precepts Ministries in the centre, teaching the team about how to do an inductive Bible study. It was interesting stuff, it really was. Problem is I've learned this before. Twice. Once from the best professor of the Bible I could ever ask for. So, poor Gareth, I'm sorry...but much of the time I just wanted to go at the passage my own way. We have a follow-up night next month where we'll talk about how we applied the methods...and on that evening, I'll just have to buckle through it once more.

Friday: Just Ben and myself in the office, where I had a few wee tasks. And because it was Friday, Friday, and we had to get down on Friday, we went to The Press for lunch. I must learn how to make butternut squash soup when I go back to the States. Otherwise my taste buds will mourn the loss. Oh, and I want to learn how to bake bread. I realize I won't be able to make wheaten bread because we don't have the flour for it in the States....but never again will I eat proper soup without the proper bread. It just wouldn't be as lovely.

That evening, we had the Presbyterian youth club again after a long hiatus, which went well enough. It was hard for myself, because not one young girl was present, so I felt lost in a sea of boys shouting and screaming and running around. They're good boys. They just need to take a long break from all forms of sugar. Like until they hit puberty, for example.

Following youth club, the leaders went out to the cinema, where we saw "Hanna". To be honest, I really did like it. I would watch it again, even. But I can see all the reasons others wouldn't be satisfied with it. It was definitely made to be as edgy as possible, though.

And that, my friends, brings us to today. I haven't a single plan yet for my little ol' self, but I'll come up with something. If nothing else, I need to clean my room here at the house--it's an absolute wreck. (Well, not really. But I haven't spent much time in it the past week and a half, so it's gotten a bit cluttered.) And do laundry. No walk for me today, though--we've had such a stretch of rain and wind, it's unreal. Welcome back, Northern Irish weather. It's rained every day in on-and-off bits this whole week, and every time the sun pecks out a hole in the clouds for a wee moment I think, it's coming out again! And then back behind those clouds it goes. I hope one of these times it comes out to stay for a week again.

Anyway. There's a few wee rants I could have with yous, but I think I'll put them off for the next blog post. Thoughts regarding missions in Europe mostly. Perhaps that'll be an afternoon activity for myself!

Sending my love to America...

So Hip

Well, as much as I love it here...this kind of news makes going home to Minnesota not so bad.

Go, read. Go, go, go.

Can I just say...

...my self-worth levels have gone up so much since coming to Northern Ireland.

I'm constantly referred to as "small" here. Whereas at home I always feel like an amorphous blob. So, that's a plus. I hope I can keep it up when I return to the States, where 20 year olds the size of 12 year olds are considered "healthy," and if you're not tall then you're not much of anything.

And yeah, so I might be seen as vain for taking this as a positive and wearing it proudly. Whatever. It sure does beat how I felt a few months ago back at Crown. And it feels so good.

For the minute, that's all I have to say on that.

Staff Meetings

Today, we had a Staff Meeting down in Belfast, so it was an early start to the day for the interns. Hurrah. But I did get to spend some more quality time with the girls from Dromore, and shared my heart for ministry with one of the two. She's leaving NI shortly, which is disheartening because I really wish we could have hung out. I think we would've gotten on well. Anyway, she told me about a church which offered her an internship to come back, and she gave me a card. So I'm going to try to look into it. It's for a church that's meant for people who don't go to church. LOVE IT. And heck, if she and I could both work it to come back here one day, I'd be all for that. Amen.

Following the meeting, the interns stayed in Belfast for some training sessions with YFCers from other centres. And it went quite well. I learned about how to do proper detached work (so beneficial, because I've really had NO idea what to do when we've gone out...), as well as about preparing for and going into the schools for assemblies and such. And it picks up again tomorrow with three more sessions, 10-2. At least this time it's on our own turf, though. And one of the sessions is on "developing yourself as a leader," which is something I need to learn.

And tonight at Kids For Christ, we just had one girl show...but on the plus side, she's shown EVERY week since the first night she came. Which I think is something like 5 weeks in a row. And I'm all for that. Especially after learning about building relationships today during our intern training.

Anyway, off to sleep now. What a day.

Happy Mother's Day, USA!

Here, it's just like any other day. It's always weird to think about what people are doing back home, back in Minnesota, and about how different the weather looks and how different the people look and sound and walk and joke and everything. Like today, the papers were probably filled with ads this week for different Mother's Day deals and specials at the florist, the department stores, the restaurants, everything. Whereas here, Mother's Day has come and gone. Mums here have already been celebrated. I had to buy my card to mail home at the end of March because otherwise I never would've found one this time of year here.

But today, I've got a Skype time with my own mum. It's definitely not going to be the same as being at home to tell her, but it'll suit for the time being.

Happy Mother's Day!

A Day Out

Yesterday, I was in a car for a very long time.

Around lunch, Ben and Karen came to pick me up for a drive to Belfast for Ben to practice a guitar set with a girl there (they're playing at a coffee shop later this month). But because the girl was in Dromore, we had to go there first to pick her up and then go to her house. Ay yai yai. I am certainly not used to long drives anymore, obviously. Because for some time in there, all I wanted to do was jump out.

But Courtney was a fine girl, and a fine host. Her dog is insane, though. He's a collie, and just a pup, so I can't blame him. He knows more tricks than I do (I'd compare him to my dogs, but anyone could beat them in trick-knowledge), so he's obviously not an idiot. But one thing's certain--he is a jumpy wee thing. And large(ish) jumpy dogs annoy me. So that was an unpleasant experience...I'm sure he'll be a lovely dog once he's no longer a pup, but for the time being I just can't handle it.

Following the jam session, we ventured back to Dromore and I met Ben's parents and saw his cute wee house. Every house I walk into here looks completely different, I swear. (Well, except the ones in town--those all look the same in their set-up.) But his is great. What I saw of it.

Anyway, once back to Dungannon and dropping Karen off because she wasn't feeling well at all, Ben and I went to Papa John's for pizza for dinner. And we had a couple heart-to-hearts, which was quite a relief on my end. And I did let him know to expect the fact that between him and Karen, I'll probably be better friends with him just because I always tend to be better friends with the guys of couples than the girls.

And I talked about my fear of being like Paul, single forever and ever because that's the life that God chose for him. And even if it's encouraged by Paul, I don't think I could do it. If I have to be a table-for-one forever, that would be the pits beyond all pits. Ben's opinion on the matter was, "Well, God gives you the desires of your heart, and if you desire a man then he'll give you one." But what if my heart is a big mess and not following God's will at all? I've got a lot to wrestle with these days. (Good thing it's not affecting my sleep patterns anymore, though.)

Well, those are my thoughts. Today Lexie and I are speaking a little blurb about ourselves at the morning church service, so I'm hoping that goes well enough. Really, I just hope I understand the accent of whoever's asking us the questions, because that would be embarrassing. I'll let you know how it goes...

I am a horrible liar.

But then again, I don't think lying well is a skill I'd like to acquire.

So, hacking people's Facebooks, or "fraping" as it's been termed here (whereas in the States we just say "hacked"), is quite popular. Any chance you get to do it to someone, you're to do it. Well, depending on the group of friends I would guess. But my friends here would be SUPER intense about it. And they all have Facebook on their phones (Blackberrys, that's where it's at...who wants to buy me one when I get home?), so it generally happens as just a status update but I've seen it get as bad as changing one's name, profile picture, gender, orientation, EVERYTHING.

I immediately had a principle when I learned about this phenomenon that I wasn't going to take part. Generally speaking, the frapes can be a tad sexually explicit...actually, I can't think of one that wasn't sexual in any way. And not only do I not want my own to be changed up, but I also don't think that's as hilarious as the Brits do. I'm not a prude, but I do strive to uphold Leviticus 11:44 when the Lord says, "Consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy, for I am holy." And changing someone's status to say "I want bummed" isn't exactly my idea of holiness. I don't know that Jesus would be super-de-duper pleased with that.

But yesterday, I took my shot. I knew the password to Ben's desktop, and I got back to the Centre after having lunch at The Press (the coffee shop open Fridays at the Vineyard Church) before Ben did. So I logged on and changed his status to something more harmless than pocket lint. More harmless than the color yellow. More harmless than marshmallows on top of a mug of hot chocolate.

All it said was "Emily Petzel it the coolest person I know, hooray!" And because I finally went for it, and Ben found out, he changed his computer's password.

Dang it.

Apparently, he knew I was up to something as soon as he walked into the Centre and I was smiling just a tad. Because you see, I really cannot lie. I can never keep a straight face after doing things like that, because I'm always so amused with it that I just want everyone to know even though that would defeat the purpose.

All this to say, I did enjoy myself yesterday. Even if it does mean I lost my chance at ever using Ben's computer again.

I've taken a break from being a regular blogger, but I want to get back on the wagon...

Today was a downer day. But I don't quite know why.

I think I was spoiled by all that incredibly sunny, Irish-summer weather (a.k.a. much like a Minnesotan spring) that we've had for the past 2 weeks. Because today, it rained. A truly Northern Irish rain. Where it just kept coming in drizzles and drops, and soaked into your skin even when you're inside. Where your bones feel chilled and you can't quite get warm. Where you're just praying for a wee pinprick of sunshine to come through and bring you a moment of escape. A moment of warmth. A moment of a smile.

That, and I was bored all day at the Centre. BFF Ben was out wrangling up a new car finally (yeah, no more begging for lifts!), and Lexie was doing her own thing, which meant a lot of time alone. With my own thoughts. A dangerous thing for me on days like these.

However, tonight I am determined to find a wee bit of sunshine to brighten me up before bed. And I plan to find it via a fun movie (yet to be determined which one, I wish I could watch Netflix here...), a cup of tea, and some knitting. I'm nearly finished with the sock I'm currently working on, just the cuff left to go...and I realize this will only be interesting to my mum to read, but that's okay by me.

Anyway, I'm off to try and make the best of my wee night at home.

My Yesterday

You know what?

God is good.

So good.

Blow-your-mind good.

Make-you-smile-and-not-know-why good.

Jump-up-and-down-in-the-road-and-be-pushed-out-of-the-way-by-your-friend good.

Laugh-when-someone-makes-fun-of-you good.

Sit-back-and-ask-how-it-could-be-this-good good.

God is good.

After a really difficult weekend at certain points, and some tears shed and sleep lost and many wee rants over Facebook Chat and Skype with lovely ladies from back home, I had a very great day yesterday.

It started out with a much-too-early wake-up in order to catch a ride in. And I was drained right from the beginning. I'll be honest, I didn't pray anything when I woke up, but if I would have it should've been, "Lord, just help me keep it together today. That's all I want."

When we went into the office, I was just counting down the time until I was to go and get my haircut, an appointment long overdue and scheduled two weeks prior (and was long overdue at THAT point). And I wasn't really too excited about spending so much money on hair...£19, which is twice that in USD...love it. But it went well, and I'm more than happy with the results. Paula at Hairizon, you are a STAR.

And then, it was lots of waiting. I helped out with a few wee tasks in the office, and I wrote a letter for someone back home, and then waited for detached work in the Milltown playpark. And no kids came. Not one child about, of any age. So I played on the swings, something I haven't done in ages.

For KFC that evening, we only had two show up--both girls, and both repeats. One four weeks in a row, praise the Lord we're finally starting up a regular attendance (even if it is small). They played ping pong, and I got out my set of Bananagrams upon request by the 4th-timer because we played it last week. And when the epilogue lesson was given by another intern and I could tell that the two girls didn't understand it at all, I did something I normally wouldn't. I jumped in and said, "So girls, do you kind of understand what that was about and what it means then?"

Blank faces. Just staring down at the Bananagram tiles.

So, it was time to go off-the-cuff in ministry. No paper sitting in front of me, no platform to stand on. Just sitting there on the carpet with two girls and trying to explain the gospel without putting on a "teacher" voice. And God gave me the words to speak, and even if the girls didn't understand it a whole lot better, at least it was rephrased. And I got to be a part of it instead of sitting in the background under wraps.

And all throughout this day, I had some of the best conversations ever. I slapped Ben on the back of the head multiple times for his Mexican jokes (which he only makes because I told him my background), and I told him that we're going to be best friends before he knows it. He's really the best brother in Christ I could ask for. Because the thing with me is, as much as I do enjoy have girl friends, there is always a need for me deep down to have one really solid guy friend whom I can tell basically anything to but still joke around with like that. And when all of those people left Crown this past year...I didn't have one of those anymore.

But praise the Lord, because now I do again.

Praise the Lord for he is good, and his love endures forever.

Let's back up a wee bit: StreetReach

I haven't been as active a blogger lately. But you'll soon understand why.

This past week was CRAZYCRAZYCRAZY. As in I got very little sleep, acquired a lovely sunburn and lanyard tan line on the back of my neck, jumped in a bouncing castle for the first time in many years, picked up many shards of glass in the different parks, heard a new language (Lithuanian), dripped paint on my clothing, wore one shirt for 3 days, spent no time in the office at all, walked all around town, led worship, and much more. Ay yai yai.

But it was a good wee week. I really got wrecked from all the hands-on work, but at the same time was forced to really break down some of the barriers I'd set up between myself and God. I'm learning how much I need to rely on him, and how much I currently don't. And it sucks. But I'm going to keep pressing forward.

As for a few topical things...

I didn't really watch much of the Royal Wedding. Sorry, friends and fam back home. I'm really not all that into the wedding thing...but it did look lovely, the bits I saw during the hour break we all took to watch it at Ben's place on Friday.

I have eaten more this past week than I have during the course of any other week I've been here. How I'll make it through this next week, no idea. But the Lord provides, so I'll just keep leaning on him...

As for sleep, I've gotten phenomenally worse in my patterns. I don't think I've slept a full night since my arrival in this country. This needs to be improved. Starting tonight. I am going to have my lights out by 11:30, I think. I hope. I will. Yes.

P.S. Tomorrow is a bank holiday here, which means I get the day off. What will it be devoted to, you ask? Reading for spiritual health, reading for entertainment, going for a walk with a camera in tow, perhaps a Skype call is someone is so willing...the possibilities are endless.

Thoughts from the Vineyard

This morning, I went to the Vineyard Church in Dungannon, and was finally fed. I've missed real worship and real community from the Body of Christ. It was good. And I wrote down a few thoughts regarding the message this morning, and I'd like to share them with you.

The pastor started out by mentioning the Lord's Prayer, and how Jesus said, "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." If we want to see the Lord's Prayer actually happen, and see that will be done, then we need to be obedient to the will and do His will.

So, what follows are my few wee thoughts I quickly jotted down on the back of an offering envelope. I likely could have written for pages, but I used the space I had...

Here we go:

SOCIAL JUSTICE

I want to see God's will done on Earth.

I want to see mouths fed, broken legs mended, leprosy cast out, and strong foundations built.

I want to see life spring up from fields of death.

And if I want to see all these things happen by Jesus' hand, then it's time to be the hands.

If I want to see the Spirit bring life to people, it's time to b e a temple and bear the Spirit in the dark places.

If I want to see the dirt washed clean, it's time to really and truly walk out holiness in my steps.

I want to see justice in this world. I want to see real compassion and real mercy.

Let it Bud

My oh my, how time flies.

I've been here a week short of two months now, and I still can't believe this is my life. But I just want to see what God has in store now, and see it bloom like never before. Let that bud form, Lord. I want to see Your works.

This past weekend was Easter, obviously, but it was so different than doing Easter back home. They don't really do the big family meal thing here--we had dinner with the parents of the husband again, but that was simply because the wife was working. No reason beyond that, as far as I could tell. But once again, a fine meal. I do love that couple.

Then Monday, I went with a group of people from the church to the Bangor Convention (called such as it's held in Bangor, a town better than an hour's drive from here and on the other side of Belfast), which was a variety of church folks listening to preachers and faith stories and worship and things like that. During the afternoon break, we wandered about Bangor (and I did take a few pictures) and had a good time. The sun was bright, and the sky was clear, and I could only think about how blessed I am to be here, to be with these people, to be doing what I'm doing, to feel the way I feel.

Today was a rough day. I was absolutely exhausted from yesterday's adventures about Bangor, and didn't have much life in me. But I do love Jesus, more than anything. And I do love this country. And I do love these kids. And I do love these friends.

Prayer Request:

Tomorrow begins StreetReach. Pray that my health stays up, and that my heart stays strong. And that my voice keeps with me, as it's my first time helping to lead worship...and I'm not sure what kind of funny things could happen. Pray that the communities respond positively, and that kids are about to attend the kids clubs in the evenings and become connected with our Centre and our ministry. And pray that I get adequate sleep.

Easter Thoughts

Today, I've just been thinking about how I wish I could adjust a few things over here.

Like the fact that my legs have been eaten by bugs. (I'm not exaggerating.)

Or the fact that I'm sometimes teased for the way I say things, or my cultural mishaps.

Or the fact that I wish I had a dryer for my laundry.

Or the fact that I never seem to sleep a full night no matter how hard I try, because my brain never shuts down.

Or the fact that I wish hugs were more frequent.

Or the fact that I live so far away from town.

But then, I think about all these wee things, about the little adjustments and complaints I carry around in my head all day long, and I realize something important that I let myself miss all too easily.

This weekend is about something bigger. It's about the life, death, and resurrection of Christ.

Starting at Isaiah 52:13, we hear about what Christ went through, in quite graphic language. This was the road set out for him. This was the life his Father had in store, years upon years upon years before that first Christmas. He was sent to be nothing significant in appearance, in skills, in anything. No, his job wasn't to glorify himself. It was solely to glorify God the Father.

I may have more bug bites than one can possibly fathom (still not exaggerating), but I'm never made to wear a crown of thorns.

I may be teased for my accent, or for my mishaps, or for my uneasily-controlled emotions from time to time, but I'm never forced to stand naked with a sign above my head in mockery.

I may be uncomfortable in my clothes and wish my skinnies would fit me again like they used to, but I'm never made to be ashamed of my appearance, not even in the slightest.

I may not get enough sleep, but I have a bed. And a roof over my head. And warm blankets. I have a home.

I may not get enough physical affection, but I'm not treated as one who touches the lepers, either. (Though I don't ever want to be afraid to touch lepers.)

I may live out in the middle of nowhere and often feel stranded and isolated and alone, but I never have had to walk for miles, carrying my own means of death on my shoulder.

This weekend is Easter weekend. And the Lord is good. And though I'm not, he still loves me anyway. So I'm going to do my best to push aside my complaints and instead set his thoughts higher, his will higher, and his dreams higher. Because Jesus knows what's best anyway.

We haven't talked much this week, I see...

It really was a strange sort of week. I don't feel I got much of anything accomplished.

The KFC program on Tuesday went well, except for the fact that I got a headache during the end of it--a rare occurrence for me. (Oh, and here they don't call it a headache, they'd call it a "sore head".) I guess I need to work on my sleep and hydration patterns. Time to invest in an aluminum watter bottle or something.

Following the program, because of Holy Week, we went down to a special youth event at the Church of Ireland and just kind of hung out with the kids. I laughed along with a couple girls after one dropped her ice cream cone in the bathroom--oh, to be 15 again! And I stayed up much too late that night with all my thoughts pooling up and then running around once the lights were off in my bedroom.

Wednesday, Ben's car went out of commission. Now he's been demoted to bicyclist, and we've been demoted to bumming rides/working from home today. There's so much to get done before next Wednesday (as that's when our 4-day long StreetReach event begins, which I'll inform you of later), plus next Tuesday's KFC lesson, plus we have Monday off as a holiday...AY YAI YAI. Lord, give me patience...and speed when Tuesday comes.

Yesterday was just kind of depressing. But the intern from the Church of Ireland came in with a gaggle of teens, so that brightened my day for the 20 minutes they were in the Centre.

I really shouldn't be so down. I've got so much to be thankful for.

I'm starting to get back into the Word again.

I get to sing and lead worship during StreetReach, something I've always wanted to do.

I got to Skype with girls on Wednesday, and get to do so again tonight.

I received a package from one girl on Wednesday with Bananagrams and a card inside.

I received another package from my mom this morning with a load of Easter stuff inside!

I have fantastic friends, even if they are just as stranded as I am at the minute.

I got into the best housing possible at Crown next year, which will keep me sane after leaving NI.

And to top it all off, I'm in stinking EUROPE. Living in Northern Ireland. Every single day.

So, today, I'm going to enjoy my day off. I should take it as a work-from-home day, but I doubt I will. I'll take advantage of the sun, of the time to knit and watch some garbage on TV, of the time and space to deal with some of the thoughts rushing through my head of late. It'll be a good day.

Oh, and a shout-out:

Aunt Kathy, next time I go to the store I'm going to be looking for the ingredients for all those fab recipes. :)

"The Morning That Death Was Killed"

I woke in a place that was dark

The air was spicy and still

I was bandaged from head to foot

The morning that death was killed.

I rose from a mattress of stone

I folded my clothes on the sill

I heard the door rolling open

The morning that death was killed.

I walked alone in the garden

The birds in the branches trilled

It felt like a new beginning

The morning that death was killed.

Mary, she came there to find me

Peter with wonder was filled

And John came running and jumping

The morning that death was killed.

My friends were lost in amazement

My father, I knew, was thrilled

Things were never the same again

After the morning that death was killed.

-Steve Turner

Fresh

Today, I made a decision.

No matter what internal baggage I came over here with, I'm letting it go. I'm sick of carrying around all that junk. It's dumb, and a waste of time anyway. I'm done with it.

How I felt about my faith before coming here--that's over, too. I'm sick of being exhausted, of feeling distant from God, of making excuses as to why the distance is as great as it is. No more.

All those little fears and self-conscious thoughts I came with, those are out too. Because they're stupid, and they just hold me back. (Now, I'm not saying I'm suddenly going to be an athlete or super outgoing or anything like that...but I'm not going to be afraid to touch a ball now and again, or afraid to stand in front of a group of 12 year olds for cryin' out loud.)

No, instead I've decided it's time to start fresh.

So tonight, I played handball for probably 45 minutes.

I volunteered to tell a joke at the end of the youth event tonight when asked if I knew any--though it was forgotten later that I would, so I'll just save it for a rainy day.

I had an unplanned Skype call and didn't freak out about it because I wasn't prepared.

I'm letting my future roommate handle tomorrow's sign-up situation rather than myself--letting go of the reigns. Big step there.

I read my Bible. And rather than getting caught up with, "Ugh, I suppose I have to read this because it's the next book I said I'd read," I skipped on. And I found a new verse:

"He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." 2 Corinthians 1:10

I can't quite tell you why this stuck out to me, but it did. And I'm going to take this little bit from God's Word and squeeze all I can out of it.

Just in time for Easter.

Anyway...that's all for the moment. More working on the mural tomorrow.

So, I've been here 5 weeks...(a reflection of sorts)

I think, at this point, my biggest fear is that my mouth will get away from me in the promises it makes.

I want to live here forever, you see. I really and truly do. I would miss all of yous back home, with your hugs and your smiles and your conversations and your love. But until I die, I think a part of me will always belong in this part of the world. And I'll never really be whole until I come here. And living in the Midwest for the rest of my life wouldn't be fair to anyone. Especially not to God.

But my biggest fear, you see, is that I'll be a flop. I'll tell everyone that I'm coming back, don't give yourself time to miss me ladies and gents because in a few months you won't be able to get rid of me. And then, they'll wait. And wait. And wait. And I'll have secured an apartment with a best friend in the States, and started up a new job at a coffee shop as well as a job working with a parachurch ministry (because we all know I'll need to have two income sources if I want to eat), and bought permanent things like furniture and a cell phone contract and a dog or something. And then, I'll be rooted in the States. Oh sure, I could go back on all those things. But knowing me, I won't. And then I'll always be the girl who lied.

That's my biggest fear.

So, my only solution to this: find as many reasons as possible to come back to Northern Ireland after graduation. Which is why I've so many friends back at home who are telling me to find a future husband here (automatic visa, yeah yeah!)--and boy, do I ever hope it happens. Though anything long distance would be far less than ideal, I'm willing. I'm willing to change my plans for yours, Lord. And I'm willing to cry and stress and lose sleep and worry and wait for an appropriate time difference if it means I would get to live here, and be happy, and have the life I've always dreamed of having but never thought possible. I'm so willing.

And I'm willing to spend way too much money on postage, to lose hours of sleep here or there because of Skype calls, and to be forever known as "the American" if it means I get to live here. I'm willing to have "a funny accent," and be told I drive "on the wrong side of the road," and eat funny things like chip buddies, and be scolded for accidentally giving the backwards-peace-sign to someone and realizing after that I just told someone to do a specific something to his/herself...(and hope that I'm in cordial company that forgives me), and get used to the taste of instant coffee, and adjust to the weather, and hear about "my" country's government and how messed up it is (like I'm responsible or something), and everything else. I'm so willing, Lord.

I'm willing to drive myself crazy, to go the extra mile and then be told I've three more left, to earn a college education and start off with a sprint right out of the graduation gate, to rely on technology to see the faces I love, and to rely on God for new lovely faces in my life.

I am willing.

Avid Reader

Lady or Gent from Portadown:

I see you are an avid reader. I'm grateful. Put in a good word for me so I can stay here forever. That is all.

P.S. Who are you so we can be bezzies?

Won't Back Down (a.k.a. A Rant of Sorts)

I'm learning the art of saying "no".

See, I'm the easily-pushed-over type. But then, I'm also passive-aggressive, so I hold every single moment I'm pushed over in a wee bottle and burst them all out eventually and then force myself not to throw fists.

And I hate being looked down upon for my age by my peers. PEERS. Just because you're a few months older does not make you infinitely wiser. Fact.

Today, my friends and family, was just one of those days. A button was pushed just one time too many, and I refused to take it. I was pleasant, mind you. But I did say no.

Alright, now that we've got that settled...

It was a fine day today. I designed a mural for the Centre...

(something like this...but different colors)

...and I put together some more ideas for the prayer room...

...and I bought groceries.

So, perhaps it wasn't the best of days. But it wasn't bad.

Oh, and P.S. about the Staff Meeting I went to yesterday, where I met more YFC-NI faces...it was great. We had a man speaking about the consistency of God between the Old and New Testaments, and for all those in the room it was a stimulating conversation starter. (Can't say the same for me, just because I've had to write essays and read books about this subject for Crown, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it. It was more a matter of watching something come to life to other people, though.)

Welp, looks like I lost track of time again, it's nearly 12:30am. Oops. Goodnight, world.

Belfast Brilliance

My day was fab. Absolute class. I love Belfast, I really do. At least, the part of it I saw. I walked around City Centre, which is the part around the City Hall building.

And I went into many, many shops. (Don't worry, Mom, I didn't purchase something at all of them. Basically all of it was just browsing/killing time until I got a text saying to meet somewhere.)

But I navigated on my own. Well, once I knew the general direction of things just before being dropped off. But still! I'm quite proud of it. I thought, surely I'll get lost at some point today. Nope, made it out alive. Perhaps my directional challenges are starting to leave me. Or maybe I'm just gaining confidence in my wandering skills.

Accent update: I notice that the more I speak with the Northern Irish, the more I pick up their sing-songy inflections. I've almost completely stopped saying "too" (choosing "as well" instead), changed all my "umm"s to "emm"s, and gotten quite good at saying "oh, right". And I'm getting better at writing with their slang, using "awk" when I remember. Oh, and yesterday I used the word "craic"! It felt awkward and a little forced just because it was my first time, but no one said anything. It's so easy to use "wee", though. Because it's in almost every sentence anyway. But the "so I did/so it was/so it does" doesn't quite come as naturally...as in it doesn't come at all, so it doesn't.

Busy Bee

I went to our church down the way again, and met a man visiting for the last 3 weeks from Manitoba. (Random? Bet your bottom dollar.) And he called me his "cousin" because Manitoba is right above Minnesota, so I should know all about where he's from, right?

So wrong. So, so, so wrong.

I just looked up where Manitoba was on Google Maps. Really, SOMEONE in the US public school system should be educating us about the geography of Canada, because I know nothing about the provinces or anything up there.

Anyway, we bonded over our horrible winter back at home, and about the impending doom of floods for our loved ones. He then told me I should come up and visit Manitoba now--fat chance, buddy. There ain't no way I'm driving 8 hours to a place that looks like where I'm from when I can hop on a plane to see something incredible. (No offense. But maybe someday, I'll finally visit Canada. Maybe.)

Then, we had dinner at the parents' of the husband of the couple I'm living with. (I wish I could just call them my "host family" because it would make it so much less complicated to explain...but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's not really a family. It's just a married couple. And all I really do at home is sleep.) They're a lovely couple. And if I could, I'd eat at their place every Sunday (or more!). It only happens when the wife of the couple is working, though.

And to top today's activity list off, we had a BBQ--the interns, our supervisor, the National Director of YFC-NI, and the chairman of the board plus his wife. And that couple had a lovely spread. Her homemade wheaten bread is delicious. (We don't really have anything to compare wheaten bread with back home, because they use a special kind of flour...and I intend to bring a bag of it back home with me, because it's that fantastic.)

Then, speaking at the Methodist for their evening service. And it went quite well. Steve, the National Director, gave a message on God's fatherly love for us and how there is absolutely nothing we can do to make Him love us any more or any less. A message I've heard a dozen times over (which happens when you have a mixed bag of contemporary church background in you, as I do), but hit me in a new way. I really appreciated it. I think my soul was thirsty for it or something, because it was like fresh words. (Perhaps the Northern Irish accent accompanying it helped a bit, too.) And Steve tried multiple times to rope me into different projects here--the football (soccer) evangelism team here that YFC runs (NO WAY), as well as possibly being on staff in a different town. I want to hang out with that man more. I've succumbed to being poor, so maybe I can leave this country with a job in place already...here's hoping.

And now, I'm in Belfast. Writing from the spare bedroom of my supervisor's house, and settling in for a day of adventure tomorrow about the City Centre. Hoorah! Never fear, photos will document tomorrow.

Klutz Day

(Well, not completely. But much of it was.)

#1 - I spilled my juice all over the carpet this evening. Good thing it was nearly the same color as the carpet, because it came right out. (And good thing I had a towel handy.)

#2 - I suck at pool. I couldn't get the 8 ball in for the life of me, and every time I kept missing it. It was the game that lasted forever. Good thing neither of us were too skilled, or I'd be more embarrassed.

#3 - I broke my favorite pair (and ONLY pair, because I'm so picky) of sandals today...and didn't even notice until probably an hour later when it felt funny as I walked. So I had to go and buy another pair of shoes (no really, it was a must, I'm not kidding) from a shop down the way so that I would be able to keep up with the kids tonight at the youth club. (And I'm pretty sure I bought a size too small because they hurt my heels a bit...I still can't quite figure out UK sizes.)

#4 - Not really klutzy, but I wish the guitar would come quicker. I know, I know, it's been a week. And one legit lesson (aka today). But I want to be pro, right away. Or at least enough to say I can play the guitar, and pick it up and prove it. It just feels so awkward in the learning process.

#5 - I cannot compete in Wii Play for the life of me. I can't make those little guys go anywhere! But that's okay. I'll stick with Just Dance (which I ROCK at, by the way...).

All in all, another solid day. I need to get my butt to the grocery soon, though...but considering I'll be up in Belfast on Monday and most of Tuesday, I think that it's alright. I won't be eating it anyway. And as for my weekend plans...well, I'll be telling you about them as they develop, I'm sure. I always thought I'd take days off to blog, but I just love telling you all about my new world so much that I can't help but stay up the extra half hour and fill you all in. That's right, I sacrifice my sleep for you. Appreciate it. :)

Staff Day: To The Coast!

I didn't step one foot into the office today. Oh, no. Today was a staff day, intended just for the interns and our supervisor. It was an adventure day. And I knew nothing about where we were going.

So, Lexie and I are picked up from the house, told to remember tennis shoes, and off we went. And about 20 minutes later, we were finally told where we were headed: the North Coast! This is the one place in Northern Ireland that everyone has told us to go to--"Oh you're here from America, are yous? Awk, lovely. Have you seen much? Be sure to go to the North Coast! Portrush is beautiful." And today, we finally did it.

After a two hour car ride (or something like that...), we made it to our destination. And it really was lovely. We walked and walked and walked, and nearly fell down cliffs (well not really, but the sides of the paths sure are steep), and then, we saw it.

And I'm not kidding you, it was really everything they said it would be. And I'm not an outdoors-y person, we all know. But I could've climbed those rocks for ages. I didn't mind the wind or the stairs or the huffing and puffing from walking in the least, because I got to see something today. Something that you can only see here in Northern Ireland. And it was beautiful. (Thanks, Lord, for putting all that together, by the way!)

After the trip home, I went out with a group of friends to the cinema (movie theatre) and saw Lincoln Lawyer--which, to be honest, I went out for the social activity rather than the movie itself. But it was quite good. Not a waste of £5 at all. (And I don't even like Matthew McConaughy.) Then a Smarties McFlurry for dessert--a very good day, if you ask me.

(P.S. Smarties here aren't like the ones we have in the States. They're basically like M&Ms...but once when I compared them to that, I was told I was wrong though I don't see how...better yet, just look it up online.)

Oh, and I also learned today about something called a "chip buddy". Which I ate for dinner. What it is, is basically a chip (fry) sandwich, with buttered white bread and then whatever sauce you put on it. So weird. I didn't much care for it, but ate it I did. It felt like I was a kid back at home eating ruffled potato chips in a slice of bread and calling it "my new creation" or something. (And I confessed to the group that I'm always afraid they're going to try and convince me that some ridiculous food they just made up is actually quite popular and then make me eat it...which is why I was so hesitant to believe them when they were talking about chip buddies.)

Tomorrow: guitar lessons, starting some work on the prayer room perhaps, planning out my future mural, and maybe trying to weasel some weekend plans out of someone so I can have a life again.